Feeling Old, Feeling Cranky? Watch the New Muppets Trailer, You Old Goat


I can call you that, I’m an old goat too.

Anyway, so yay, it’s The Muppets!

It’s kinda cool in this CGI-world that they have lasted this long…personally, I can’t wait. I will elbow small children out of line if I have to, I will.

Blogging. And Why This Joint Looks A Mess.


Blogging, coffee, blogging, and then some more coffee.

Me, right now.

So does it look a little bare in here? You are right, it is. Until recently, I had another blog but there was a bit of drama  with it. Nothing ugly or crazy but it did implode into a giant, huge spectacular mess, yes.

Anyway, I’m slowly picking up my blog pieces and gluing it all back together. 

Good times, good times. Thanks for sticking around!  I mean, you…are going to stick around, no?
Dewey

What to Do When Stranded at an Airport (Hint: Free Booze)


Soon I will be traveling. So, naturally, the news is plastered with horrifying traveling mishaps.

Horrifying Mishap #1
It comes from Dallas Fort Worth Airport. 

.

Someone named Larry Chen, and Larry Chen’s friend, became stranded at DFWA (as is prone to happen). To entertain themselves in the nearly empty airport, Larry and his friend (who, yes, has a name but I’m too lazy to look up) drank beer from the deserted bar, banged on airport computers, did lots of hand stands everywhere and just generally ran totally amok.

You know, I suppose this isn’t so much horrifying as it is totally awesome.  Nevermind.

Horrifying Mishap #21
United Airlines, Friday night.  An internal computer crash grounded thousands of United passengers for five hours. Doesn’t sound so horrid? Let me give you perspective.

Five Hours in an Airport = Five Hours in a Dentist Chair
It’s precisely like that. 

Anyway, nobody seems to know the cause of this mishap but here’s some spokesman-ease:

While we will be experiencing some residual effect on our flight operations throughout the weekend, United is committed to restoring normal operations as soon as possible. 

 And THIS is what residual effect looks like………. 

Stranded Cleveland Mon Amour, a photo by Flavio@Flickr on Flickr.
Very human-like, no?

Anyway, a passenger described his residual-y existence this way:

“Workers were trying to answer questions. They have no ability to do anything manually. They can’t check baggage. You can’t get baggage. You are really stuck.”

Neat-o. 

There will be, of course, even more and more mishaps as I inch closer and closer to my own airline travel.  It will be a giant pile-on of psychological torture.

It’s just the natural order of things.  

Sorta, like flying birds.

Wonder how I can hitch a ride with one of them, hmm….

soft_clouds_fast_birds, a photo by Gladney Flatt1 on Flickr

 

Let’s Not Go Take a Hike! (Or Why Clothes are Your Friend)


The people of Arizona love to hike. Love it. My fellow zonies are into it BIG. 

As such, I get asked regularly if I want to “go hiking”. Of course I do not. It’s far too much like exercise, this hiking.

I really rather totally hate it, actually.

Which is why an article recently caught my eye.  Time magazine wrote about a new hiking trend…. 

Nude Hiking

I could post scary, graphic pictures here of nude hikers but, because I like you, I will not. Suffice to say that the people who love to be nude are the same ones you would love if they went ahead and kept their clothes on.

But why hike in the nude?

It allows “bodily freedom” and “fills you with happiness”.  Nude Hiking Enthusiast

I have no idea what that means either. But I’m pretty confident this bodily freedom trend will never gain traction in Arizona.

AKA, the below:

I

I could end with a story about the last time I actually went hiking…when I was a child and had no choice in the matter and ended up having an encounter (if you will) with a cactus….the whole thing was very ouchie and uncivil and, have I mentioned, I am not a fan of hiking?

To each their own but, for me, I do love not hiking, love it so very, very much.

Get Sloshed While Getting Botoxed, Win win!


Come on, be honest.  Do you like to party the night away (because I have heard me some stories)? And do you sometimes think your nose is too big/too small/too whatever? And do you think that this woman:

Jocelyn Wildenstein = Gold standard in obtainable perfection*

THEN YOU ARE IN SO MUCH LUCK!

Friday, June 24, at some hotel in London is the first ever My Big Fat Plastic Surgery Party.

From the event organizers:

Party the night away to the latest sounds from some of London’s Top Bands,  Prize Draw after Midnight. Top prize is a plastic surgery procedure. Runner UP Prizes: Fillers, Semi-permanent make-up, Teeth whitening, pole dancing lesson.

 So you can get that nose fixed and learn how to pole dance, how totally awesome and convenient. This event has caused quite the controversy in London, mainly by ugly, bitter people. Well, and some medical professionals who are all pissy.  Because, you know, plastic surgery shouldn’t technically be a “prize”. It’s basically real surgery, technically speaking.

 Just a big fat whatever to that.

Anyway, so there’s just a little bit of major insanity from across the pond for you.  Oh, and if you do go*, make sure to check your self-esteem in at the front door. 

http://www.transpire-surgery.co.uk/bigfatplasticsur.html

*Therapy = Not a Terrible Idea

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